Can a Marriage Survive Infidelity?

One often hears the phrase: "There are marriages and then, there are marriages". One often expects on one extreme - sunshine, moonlight and brightly lit stars - or at the other extreme, just nothing special. It's a question of one's unique personality and perspective towards life and marriage. There is absolutely no doubt that the most important key to success in any marriage, as also in any other type of relationship, is honesty, trust and real understanding of one's partner's needs and desires.

In an ideal marriage (the kind we all yearn to have), fidelity is probably the most vital aspect. It implies a commitment to one's partner that's total, complete and unconditional. You seek the absolute closest love, trust and intimacy possible from no one else, so sufficient should be the love you receive and are prepared to give in return. Let's face it - what could be more reassuring, more meaningful than such unconditional love, respect and understanding? But the thing is that any relationship that intense, comes with a price tag attached - after all nothing comes free, and love is a question of give and take.

And if infidelity occurs in a relationship based on such love from one prtner only, it can be earth-shattering if it becomes known to that partner. No matter how good the excuse, nothing can fix the breakdown in trust resulting from that first careless rupture in the relationship's mutual trust.

Trust is ruptured forever once infidelity occurs - whether known by the betrayed partner or not. The betrayal leaves one partner feeling painfully inadequate. If one looks back through time, one realises how wonderfully didactic you were in your youthful years! At 25, black and white could never co-exist, and choices seemed so clear. But then, life happens - and you realise that levels of grey exist, and that it is often an area that needs far more maturity and understanding to inhabit and navigate than you ever dreamt of before.

After being married for more than say 15 to 20 years, the first lesson you learn is that marriage is a relationship which, like human beings themselves, is constantly morphing and evolving, and requires adaptation from both parties - the so-called give and take metaphor described previously. It's an equation where the variables change constantly as well the answers to certain situations.

People sometimes live married lives together with infidelity between them. Children, autumn love and companionship allow such relationships to survive indefinately. But eventually, it's always comes down to what you ultimately want from your marriage and life-partner.

You can definately survive infidelity (don't we survive everything?), but that's just a word, isn't it? Survive. If you want more, you have to sacrifice something. That my friend, is the nature of the beast. You need to decide between continuing the trust in your partner, or contemplating live without your partner. Just remember - when one door closes, another often opens...